Coming Out from Under
Friday I got enough paperwork done to face the daunting reality of going into the city to drop off the accesories of my UN working life: I was issued a new ID with a new picture...... I had been asked by the assistant in the Pass and ID office whether I wanted to use my existing picture or... take a new one. I chose to take a new one.
The strangest thing is.... I looked at the old picture and the new one. I looked BETTER in the new one. Three years later - after going through one disease to the next..... and I looked BETTER. Thinner. Whiter hair, slight rings under the eyes, but lighter in a few ways. I'm glad it was taken before I actually went back to my office proper.
My cubicle was re-populated by a multiple returned retiree.... the things I distributed to certain people had all been thrown into a box. I did reclaim the plastic under-desk runner that I had purchased privately. I handed in my payment instructions. I made the mistake of returning my other IDs to the "Front Office" while no one was there... and played a couple of computer games and then tried to search the inhouse web of where to turn in my parking permit. I had waited 45min. And left the badges with a post-it. I was later accosted by the person whose desk I was asked for leaving a program open [that I never understood anyway and had not helped me in my search to return all things UN]. In the reception area of all places I was berated by someone employed by the organization less than 5 years.... and slandered. She also mentioned that it would take quite some time before my paperwork would be processed - but that they would have to reclaim a full month's salary. Where, between the delay in the tax conformity w/the IRS AND the UN, any release of moneys will take three or four months. Three former colleagues within earshot excused themselves. It finally sunk in that everyone is replaceable - and, in that environment, I had become another statistic.
From there I went to find out I would TEMPORARILY be covered by health insurance. Then I went to hand in my garage pass only to be told that I would be docked for the 2 weeks I had been retired because I had not handed in the tag earlier. Trying to explain to them that they could easily call my Executive Office to hear I had not come in since the 31 July they said that was not their concern. I had even parked in a garage nearby for this "visit" and was told that was not their job or policy. Pay up or it would be taken out of my final pay...... except my final pay would only be 1/2 a month - and the UN was going to suck back a full month due to too many sick days.
I guess that was the last straw. I paid with what cash I had, dragged 2 shopping bags of personal effects to the parking garage, paid the attendant a tip with 4 rolls of pennies and headed home.
C had come for a surprise visit and had done an amazing job of spreading mulch and topsoil while I toiled on mileage charts and reimbursement levels on schedule A. We had a good sleep and then threw things together and drove all day Saturday to arrive in Chelsea. C and Emmy Lou needed to stop often for a 'rest stop'. So it was late. But no run-ins with the law, no flat tires, in between the raindrops we got to solid ground.
I was a lazy retiree today. My head is no longer throbbing. My heart is rising from its toenails. My heartrate is back at its slower pace. Emmy has run in and out of the rain after chipmunks. I will put on ultra comfortable T-shirt and sweat shorts tomorrow. Doing what, I don't know. And I guess that's good. For the next few weeks I don't know what I will be doing from one day to the next. I don't know where the money will come from.
For years I have preached to others about 'sufficient unto the day', that anxiety isn't the 13th commandment, that guilt is not a blessing, that belief manifests itsself in mysterious ways...... and now the preacher is learning the lessons she has taught. It's taking a bit of time, but slowly the Spirit is helping me coming out from under the weight, the rock, the mindset.
Hope is happening! Hallelujah! I intend to be sending "off site" over the next month. Maybe not so regularly, but I'll keep at it. Life will be giving me a whole lotta material to share. So....... welcome from the state of Michigan. Wish you were here!
The strangest thing is.... I looked at the old picture and the new one. I looked BETTER in the new one. Three years later - after going through one disease to the next..... and I looked BETTER. Thinner. Whiter hair, slight rings under the eyes, but lighter in a few ways. I'm glad it was taken before I actually went back to my office proper.
My cubicle was re-populated by a multiple returned retiree.... the things I distributed to certain people had all been thrown into a box. I did reclaim the plastic under-desk runner that I had purchased privately. I handed in my payment instructions. I made the mistake of returning my other IDs to the "Front Office" while no one was there... and played a couple of computer games and then tried to search the inhouse web of where to turn in my parking permit. I had waited 45min. And left the badges with a post-it. I was later accosted by the person whose desk I was asked for leaving a program open [that I never understood anyway and had not helped me in my search to return all things UN]. In the reception area of all places I was berated by someone employed by the organization less than 5 years.... and slandered. She also mentioned that it would take quite some time before my paperwork would be processed - but that they would have to reclaim a full month's salary. Where, between the delay in the tax conformity w/the IRS AND the UN, any release of moneys will take three or four months. Three former colleagues within earshot excused themselves. It finally sunk in that everyone is replaceable - and, in that environment, I had become another statistic.
From there I went to find out I would TEMPORARILY be covered by health insurance. Then I went to hand in my garage pass only to be told that I would be docked for the 2 weeks I had been retired because I had not handed in the tag earlier. Trying to explain to them that they could easily call my Executive Office to hear I had not come in since the 31 July they said that was not their concern. I had even parked in a garage nearby for this "visit" and was told that was not their job or policy. Pay up or it would be taken out of my final pay...... except my final pay would only be 1/2 a month - and the UN was going to suck back a full month due to too many sick days.
I guess that was the last straw. I paid with what cash I had, dragged 2 shopping bags of personal effects to the parking garage, paid the attendant a tip with 4 rolls of pennies and headed home.
C had come for a surprise visit and had done an amazing job of spreading mulch and topsoil while I toiled on mileage charts and reimbursement levels on schedule A. We had a good sleep and then threw things together and drove all day Saturday to arrive in Chelsea. C and Emmy Lou needed to stop often for a 'rest stop'. So it was late. But no run-ins with the law, no flat tires, in between the raindrops we got to solid ground.
I was a lazy retiree today. My head is no longer throbbing. My heart is rising from its toenails. My heartrate is back at its slower pace. Emmy has run in and out of the rain after chipmunks. I will put on ultra comfortable T-shirt and sweat shorts tomorrow. Doing what, I don't know. And I guess that's good. For the next few weeks I don't know what I will be doing from one day to the next. I don't know where the money will come from.
For years I have preached to others about 'sufficient unto the day', that anxiety isn't the 13th commandment, that guilt is not a blessing, that belief manifests itsself in mysterious ways...... and now the preacher is learning the lessons she has taught. It's taking a bit of time, but slowly the Spirit is helping me coming out from under the weight, the rock, the mindset.
Hope is happening! Hallelujah! I intend to be sending "off site" over the next month. Maybe not so regularly, but I'll keep at it. Life will be giving me a whole lotta material to share. So....... welcome from the state of Michigan. Wish you were here!
posted by Joanna Depue | 10:51 PM
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