Doors and Windows
A door has closed for me. The door isn't locked, but it is closed, for sure. There is a certain amount of sadness involved in letting go of something believed in, something hoped for, something wished. Just as described in the prior entry "Pearls", I have to let go of a hope of mine, a cherished belief in a romantic relationship. By God, it's hard. No iburophen can touch this ache within that does not go away. I am still angry with myself and with God. Another try that did not take - and a rather costly one on so many levels, at that. Why didn't I see the signs? Why didn't I hear the subtext? The inflection? Me... the empath, blocking energy focused in such a pinpoint way?
There are times when embracing my utter falability is essential. I make mistakes, I misread. And, human that I am, there are times when I hear what I want to hear. Ever been 'guilty' of that shortcoming?
The upside is that for the next couple of weeks God and I will continue having heated discussions. The sooner I recognized the presence of Grace the sooner I will be able to move into mourning something that will never be.
For now, I am in a windowless place, but the upside is that there is work to be done and jobs to be accomplished. Occupation on tasks will take the edge off of what I recognize to be a razor. Today it was cleaning. There will be some visitors tonight. Then packing up my Helga Honda with things that I will be able to put into a yard sale in New York. Some trinkets, some treasures, some 'trash' that will prove irresistable to someone else. Then packing up things from Chelsea and a caravan shuttle to Holland, MI.
C's Mom and Dad are irresistably cute in their own ways... and yesterday we were invited to 'Happy Hour' at the senior complex they now reside in (and where I'm typing from, thanks to Jack Smith). One of the managers of the residence invited me to come back next week to practice therapeutic touch on the residents - which I did to the great delight of the participants.
No window of opportunity yet.... but in my heart of hearts I know one will emerge. I will wait, hope and pray.